


Close To Shipwrecked

by knightofthestars



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Depression, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 06:39:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15018851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightofthestars/pseuds/knightofthestars
Summary: Brief thoughts about Ford and his shitty depression post-finale.





	Close To Shipwrecked

**Author's Note:**

> This is like 80% projection at least, try not to judge too harshly haha  
> First fic ever posted be gentle

 Maybe he's happy and he's traveling around the world and he's safe (for good this time) and he wouldn't trade it for anything but maybe sometimes he gets the urge to run away. To flee, travel somewhere else, that he's spent too long here already. He feels like he should go, find somewhere new, leave everything behind.

Not just for his safety, the old sense of self preservation that has worn thin and faint and often faltering, but for the safety of others. His family, the people he meets, everyone he touches. He has internalized the idea of being dangerous, that he brings misfortune with him. Not just by chance (some strange magnetization of having spent so long Elsewhere), but by his choices. He destroys everything he touches. The very universe he lives in was nearly destroyed by his poor choices had it not been for the intervention of those better brighter bolder than he. Everyone he's ever been close to has suffered at his hand, intentional or not. Why would that stop? He has the sense that it's always been this way, whether he was wise enough to see it or not. Maybe across universes. Maybe across lives. He wants to leave.

 He realizes he can't, he's bound here for good. There are people here that would be hurt worse by his leaving than by his continued existence here, for better or worse. Inexplicably, he has wound up with a family that loves him. They had every opportunity to turn their back on him (he certainly never gave them any reason to keep trying) and yet here they are. He realized only far too late how much they meant to him, how much he needed them, yet they were ready when he finally decided to be a part of the family. A real part of the family. He can't leave them behind. He couldn't do that to them.

  
 Maybe some nights he wishes mabel hadn't trusted Stan, and that the portal hadn't been opened. That his plan to kill Bill and/or die had succeeded and none of his family would have had to suffer the terrible things he brought with him through the portal. He would surely have died, but wouldn't things have been easier for his family? He would never have known the kids, but he could never have hurt them. It would have been so simple. Fitting, even.

 He would probably have deserved it.

 Maybe he says "I love you" and sometimes it sounds like an apology and sometimes it sounds like a goodbye but he stays. Sometimes it sounds like both, and it's hard, but he stays.

 He's happier than he's ever been. 


End file.
